How to improve any aspect of your life
This morning my sister-in-law, Kelley (insta @letstraintogether) sent me a podcast. I just happened to be getting ready to go for a morning walk with the boys. As my coffee brewed, I pulled up the podcast on my phone, and put my airpods in. It's wonderful to be able to hear Caleb ask me a million questions without continually pulling my headphones out. Also, I'm paranoid about someone sneaking up on me if I have headphones in, so these allow me to hear things around me, like a person walking behind me. I got the boys drinks, snacks, and we were off.
Ran into our friend Elissa and chatted about LIVING. I've been feeling so alive and connected lately, that Covid19 has been reduced to background noise. It's just a temporary obstacle, and not really the focus or purpose of my life. So, to give it my energy would require me to sacrifice energy from another aspect of my life.
My co-creator has been showing me signs, like spiritual bread crumbs and I need to honor them.
As we walk, picking up trash here and there, appreciating the beautiful veil of morning dew, knowing the day is going to be sunny and warm, I hear a very familiar story. Rachel Hollis tells Ed Mylett a brief run down of her childhood, her upbringing, and the struggle she experienced as a young adult. Ultimately how these experiences molded her into who she is today.
As a child, I too lived in a home that was picture perfect on the outside but volatile behind closed doors. I struggled as a teenager feeling depressed, anxious and suicidal. My goal was always to escape which led me to make a series of poor choices. I struggled to know myself deeply, to honor my preferences, because for so long I was programmed to be more concerned about the well being of others. My heart and my mind were always at odds. Growing up I was constantly told I was selfish, or to be exact "selfish little bitch," which only played even more into my guilt of wanting things for myself. I felt guilty for wanting a certain life. And even though I've earned every bit of where I'm at now, I still struggle with guilt by down playing my accomplishments. I'd hate to make anyone feel less than, even if they haven't put in the same effort. Instead, I'd love to inspire everyone to create it for themselves, and how can I do that if I'm not wholeheartedly living it.
Rachel Hollis talks about her entrepreneurial fire that's always been in her. She talks about hustling by working 3 jobs to make it work. Her goal of being able to one day buy something from Target.
That connects with me on a level so deep. I still to this day say thank you to God every time I go to the grocery store and don't have a tight budget where I can't buy the brand name or a treat. When I was 18, I bounced around friends homes and lived with their families. Eventually I had no place to live and I spent time living out of my car. I know what it's like to shower at the gym because you don't have a home to shower. I ended up moving into a friend's apartment and paying rent to live on her couch. It was a two bedroom apartment, two girls in one room, an older man in the other room, and me on the living room couch. I remember having very little money for food, barely enough money for gas, and just overwhelming anxiety about living my life this way forever.
Honestly, all I dreamed about was the one day when I could get a full tank of gas and not worry about how much it cost. To not have to look at my bank account to see if I had enough to afford gas and food. To be able to go to the grocery store and get whatever food I wanted, and not calculate my total before I got to check out. Now, every time I get gas or groceries I feel consumed with gratitude because I'm living that life. It sure as shit did not come from the trajectory of the choices I was making when I was 18. For years I struggled before I realized I had resources to help me get to where I wanted to be, that would shape who I wanted to become.
In the past I tried making decisions with little direction, figuring it out as I went, and spent most of the time feeling overwhelmed because I didn't feel capable, good enough, smart enough, talented enough. I thought these were innate qualities and didn't realize these are like muscles needing repetitions of specific exercises to get stronger, to get better, to get smarter, to engineer talent. In the past, I didn't appreciate my access to resources. Truly, you can Google or YouTube how to do anything. Anything I want to learn is literally a search away. It's the reason so many aspect of my life have improved. It was like doing homework, but the homework actually benefitted the quality of my life.
For example, I struggled with money so I dedicated time to learning how to manage my money better so that I can continue to create wealth. I struggled with an awful non-existent libido that nearly broke my marriage, and I was willing to take ownership to improve it (read A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex if you have this issue in your relationship). That book honestly improved more than my sex life, it improved my overall well being because it taught me to be mindful and present. I struggled with feeling dumb, so I started to learn about Construction Management and forcing myself to learn something completely foreign to me. It taught me that I can actually learn anything if I'm willing to learn it. What I don't know, I just haven't learned yet.
Everything that I have struggled with has been an opportunity to expand who I am and become more. The more I learn, the more I move into who I truly am. I don't have to learn it all, but I learn about what I'm curious about. I learn about how I can improve some aspect of my life that may have a deficiency. I'm dedicated to a life of learning all things, not just the things that benefit my career.
When I was in 8th grade I remember career day. A few adults came in and talked about what their day looks like and I was instantly drawn to the entrepreneur. I don't even remember what he said, except that it was probably something along the lines of doing multiple things. I only remember telling myself I wanted to be an entrepreneur after his presentation. Throughout the years I picked things up and put them down. Tried and felt too scared. But the inner work I've done in the past year or two has transformed my thinking and now I'm at a place where things seem to just fall together and make sense. Although I still struggle with negative self talk, it's getting quieter. Each time I follow through I'm proving to myself that I can trust myself to keep moving forward in my endevors. Each time I honor my preferences I flex my decisiveness. Each time I don't know how, I just remember I can find a resource and figure it out.
Ryan and I say this as we talk about our businesses, about our current hurdles, and about our trajectory.
If you feel inspired, share your inspiration and lets help each other become more of ourselves. By allowing ourselves to honor our calling(s) we lead others to do the same. Let's nurture our development.