That familiar heavy chest feeling. Cold hands and feet. Repeating the mantra "I'm trusting you God." Here's the deal, I'm not religious but I do feel a deep spiritual connection. I always feel spiritually connected. Especially, over the past few months, I've been practicing a nightly ritual before I go to sleep that involves a sort of prayer. It has me anchored spiritually. If you're not practicing something daily that keeps you spiritually anchored, I highly recommend figuring out what that is for you.
Let's talk about sleep for a moment.
For years, as in, most my life, I've struggled with sleep issues. Specifically, insomnia and night terrors. Over the years I've searched for answers to help me overcome it. I'd read books about sleep, listened to podcasts with Doctors and Scientists that research sleep behaviors, learned about the brain during sleep, how sleep affects us physiologically, what are the different levels of sleep, how to create good sleep hygiene (aka rituals or habits). A lot of this also came from me battling Fibromyalgia and linking a lot of my symptoms to poor sleep. Quality sleep has been one of my endless pursuits. Turns out sleep is scientifically and spiritually a fascinating phenomenon.
One of the books I read had me thinking about the spiritual aspect of sleep. The author presented an idea that had me looking forward to sleep on a deeper level. He described our dreams, the visions, as communication with our soul. We don't really dream in a storyline. Instead, we experience visions. We feel a sensation in our body and our brain puts an image with it. When we become aware of the visions, then we create the storyline to make sense of it. It's the most miraculous personal feedback you could ever experience. Feeling anxious in your daily life? You'll likely have visions of things you associate with feeling afraid. I like to think of it as bringing attention to something I'm not paying attention to in my waking life. It has me fascinated with dreams and their meanings.
My nightly ritual is this, when I close my eyes night, I pray for the Divine to send me any messages or feedback that will help me serve my purpose in waking life. I'm open to accepting all the visions even the ones that scare me. Let me tell you, it had me 1. Looking forward to learning about myself on a deeper level 2. Get connected with God/Divine on a deeper level 3. Having some fucking weird dreams.
I want to share with you a dream I had a couple weeks ago that I think is mind blowing considering what we're experiencing right now.
I'm at the beach at night time, walking by myself in the dark, I see a whale on the beach, then all of a sudden, more sea life coming onto the sand. It's all around me. I feel terrified and mesmerized at the same time. It wasn't dying, it was alive and it was just there showing me. Life all around me. For a moment, I feel sad that Ryan and the boys aren't there to experience it with me. I leave and I'm in a car looking out onto the ocean. Asteroids falling from the sky into the ocean where the sea life was. It feels like the end of the world, and I can't bare to feel the fear of dying in pain. I can't bare the idea of my family dying in pain. So, we go to a place where they will gently put us to "sleep" so we don't have to feel the pain of dying. As they get me ready, they explain the procedure, and tell me that the images and feelings I'll experience will be synthetic. That I'll die peacefully, but I won't be able to feel or remember anything from my life, including the love and joy I feel with my family. That although I wont feel pain, I also wont feel love. If I wanted to feel the depth of love and joy, I was going to have to sacrifice, and experience the fear of going through something painfully uncomfortable. I ran out screaming, "I want to live!"
When I think about that dream, I think about how I woke up embracing all the feels. It had me thinking about life differently. If you want to know what it feels like to be alive, embrace all your senses.
I have a spiritual belief I want to share with you. Consider for a moment, you are just your spirit. No material world, no physical form, no senses. Just consciousness. Your consciousness longs to experience beyond it's formlessness. Before you longed to experience things in your life, your soul longed to experience what it felt like to be alive. An opportunity presents itself for you to become human form. Your soul fights to be the life that forms from a miracle. To finally come to this physical plane, in this human form, to experience what it could not otherwise experience. What it feels like to be alive.
You have supernatural strength because you are alive today.
Whatever you're feeling, honor it. Allow your soul to feel it. That's what it came here to do.
Be kind to yourself if you're feeling sad or anxious. Reach out to the people that anchor you in your life.